As shame and guilt took over me, my doctor told me something that I would never forget and made me change the negative perspective I had.
When I was 17 I thought I had everything figure it out. I didn’t.
My life has always been kind of a rollercoaster, but as I grew up and became a control freak I took ‘power’ over my decisions and responsibility over what and who I wanted to be.
Everything started when I decided to study International Relations even tho my whole family told me to choose something ‘‘more like me, and creative, like architecture, graphic design or communications’’, and as I said no and followed my gut, 2 years into the career, the meltdown hit me right in the face.
Have you ever felt like nothing is working out? Like if your life is just going through a black whole?
My dad, who’s my best friend, had just suffered a car accident, I wasn’t happy about my choices with school, felt unmotivated and after fighting with insomnia and tachycardia for many months, I decided to go to the doctor, then therapy, to finally get diagnosed with GAD and depression.
I felt like another person possessed my body, I wasn’t the joyful and charismatic young girl I used to be and felt so embarrassed, because even when I decided to get professional help, I was terrified about my family or friends finding out about the diagnosis.
Nothing worked out, the treatments, the references to different specialists, trying to stay strong, even my faith wasn’t helping at the moment. Until one day my new therapist took some notes from what I was saying, and when I ended my monologue he told me:
‘‘You need to want the help you are seeking. You need to be humble and accept this journey, this new part of you is still you. Is not about liking it, but embracing it to be able to overcome it.’’
I won’t say, ever, it was easy, but man, it was worthy. I talked to my dad about this, stepped out of toxic friendships, took my journal, wrote a poem about letting them go and how I was going to accept this part of me, this version of myself that doesn’t know everything, that is not the smartest and most logic one and much less a victim, but vulnerable and now humble.
I understood life is not about running up and pushing the obstacles, but about jogging, stopping, breathing and gaining the strength to jump them.
Being humble and accepting the circumstances we can’t handle by ourselves is not easy, is not always the first answer we seek or look for, but it should be. Superheroes are not real. Allow yourself to mess up, to make mistakes and not understand some things. It’s okay to look for help, it’s okay to be human.